It’s not really a magic spell, I guess. It’s intu­ition (magic, I guess, by another name, but we’re not going to get any­where ratio­nal in this post). I use intu­ition like sonar: it tells me the shape of things with­out offer­ing much in the way of detail. Once I know the shape, every­thing else about a rela­tion­ship is learn­ing to see each other in the dark. This is not an unerr­ing process. There’s a lot of fum­bling and stub­bing of toes on the furniture. […]